Voices of Dementia Family Members: Erika Friesen

We are excited to be launching our new blog series featuring the voices of dementia healthcare professionals and caregivers or family members, to share their perspective on what it's like working with individuals with dementia. For our first blog post, we were fortunate to speak with Erika Friesen about her family experiences with dementia.

Erika Friesen has been our wonderful teacher supervisor from Havergal College for our program. She has supported and mentored our group of student volunteers since 2016. On a personal level, her beloved father and several other dear relatives lived with dementia in their last years of life. She was not a caregiver for any of them - just a family member. She is here with us today to share her experiences with individuals with dementia.

 

 

1.     If you are comfortable sharing, can you tell us about your loved ones’ journey with dementia?

 

My father developed dementia after he moved into full-time intermediate care due to mobility loss. My cousin Else began to show signs while she still lived in her house independently. My aunt Eva also lived independently through the first year or so of her illness. In all these cases, it was first noticeable to me with the loved one's short-term memory loss and confusion about people in their lives.

 

2.     Can you share with us about your experience as a friend/relative for someone with dementia? 

It was disconcerting at first to realize that Dad was mixing up parts of his life, or that Else began talking to me as though I were my mother. But I got used to it pretty quickly because it was clear that they still loved me and were so happy to see me, even if our interactions changed drastically.

 

3.     What were the most rewarding and challenging moments you encountered in your interactions and relationships? 

Rewarding

Seeing a different version of the essential character of the loved one: Dad's joyful love of music and connecting with people; his pride in his work; his curiosity and wonder. Else's sweet natured conversation and delight in sharing food. Her happiness at seeing me arrive, even when she didn't know my name.

Challenging

Watching Mom's confusion at the change in her interactions with Dad; the loved one's pain and confusion at their awareness of decline; the confusion of timelines that in one case led to an endless reliving of past pain as though it had just happened; not being known.

 

4.     What advice would you give to others who have a loved one with dementia? 

Focus on the love! Try not to worry about details.

 

 

 

We would like to sincerely thank Erika Friesen for taking the time to share with us about her personal experiences and take-aways from her relationships with individuals with dementia.